The Guy Pride Parade

Monte Solberg - August 12, 2017

Is it just me or are a lot of people really hating on guys these days? I asked a bunch of the guys I know and while they seemed to be pretty okay with being guys, they too detected a lack of warmth for guys, especially in the media. In progressive circles, a number of the guy critics are actually guys themselves, which is causing confusion in regular guy circles. 

To be clear, I self-identify as a guy. I’m proud of my guy lifestyle. And it bothers me that so many in the media are spreading anti-guy propaganda, but I’m not so upset that I’ll do anything about it. 

In fact, I am calling on guys everywhere to not march in the guy pride parade that I refuse to organize. I call on you to keep pulling wrenches, driving trucks, wrangling cows, working 60 hours at the office, arresting bad guys, hurting yourself with power tools, building pipelines, pounding nails, shoveling the walk, running into burning buildings, growing crops, and going to war. I demand that you not put on your plaid shirt, hard hats, ball hats, cowboy hats and Tilley Hats to march to the local hardware store where we would otherwise hold a tailgate party, barbecue burgers, drink beer and talk about sports, fishing and politics. While talking about feelings would not be forbidden it would cause other guys to shift awkwardly and stare at their feet. 

You see, regular guys don’t need a “safe space” but they certainly feel at home in a garage with a big screen TV and a fridge full of beer. The only trigger warning for regular guys is, “make sure the safety is on”. The only micro aggression is taking the last piece of steak. 

The parade that I refuse to organize would not require an application process. Any member of the large and growing number of genders could join in. All races and religions would be welcome. All that would have been required is a six pack of beer, a sense of humour, an acknowledgment that most guys are good guys most of the time, plus a dozen beer. If someone along this imaginary parade route had a flat tire, you would be expected to help fix it. You would be expected to help anyone else that needs assistance regardless of race, gender or religion. In the guy pride parade that should never happen we would pledge to put ourselves between danger and our families. In this parade of the mind a modest amount of swearing is encouraged. 

Some of the marchers would probably carry signs that say things like, Keep Your Hands off My Guns, Get Off My Lawn, Go Riders, The West Wants In and The West Wants Out. Justin Trudeau might get a mention, and the Khadr payout too. Some signs would have spelling mistakes.

You’ll have to imagine what they might say because this parade should never happen. Despite the angry nut of people who believe guys are bad, we guys will ignore the criticism. We have more important things to do. There are real victims out there who deserve our support and protection, plus the Jays are playing, and the grass needs cutting. In other words, I look forward to not seeing you at the guy pride parade not coming to a parking lot near you.

'What we are going to do is get the people that are criminal and have criminal records, gang members, drug dealers,' the president-elect said during an interview with CBS [...]
Air Canada says it has revised its uniform policy to make it clear that in-flight crews can wear poppy pins in honour of Remembrance Day. The airline says that [...]
Alberta’s NDP government laid out its case Monday that it’s helping to create jobs, but Economic Development Minister Deron Bilous acknowledged there are tough [...]